


Give It a Tug

by SlantedKnitting



Category: Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, M/M, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-01
Updated: 2012-05-01
Packaged: 2017-11-04 16:09:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/395672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>Bradley is really truly completely sure that Colin is straight. But then Colin lets another man touch his bowtie and Bradley suddenly realizes how really truly completely blind he's been.</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	Give It a Tug

**Author's Note:**

> Written on LiveJournal for the [merlinbb_rpf](http://merlinbb-rpf.livejournal.com/) 2012 mini bang.

Bradley was pretty sure that he wasn't in the right mental state to do an interview, but Colin seemed perfectly willing (as he always was), so Bradley agreed. He'd already had enough to drink that he was feeling a bit silly and a bit slow, but Colin hadn't even finished one beer yet. Bradley decided he would let Colin take the lead during the interview, and when he mumbled as much to Colin, Colin just grinned reassuringly and patted Bradley on the back.

They were dragged over to the interview and Bradley frowned when he saw that Matt bloke he'd always found incredibly insincere and annoying. He did his best to put on a smile and act his normal, charming self (relaxed, confident, not bothered by Downton Abbey taking all the glory, not thinking about the pain in his back from sitting in that chair for so long, definitely not moping about the girl who had dumped him the week before).

Matt shook their hands while the cameraman prepared and then the interview started without so much as a "here we go." Bradley smiled politely for the camera and waited for a question to answer, but Matt was all over Colin before Bradley even knew what was happening. It started with a compliment that Bradley thought could very well be a joke because, honestly, Colin looked more than a bit silly in his velvet tux. Bradley himself had decided not to say anything about it though, at least not to Colin's always-eager-to-please face.

Then Matt asked about the bowtie and Bradley had to look away and bite his tongue. Didn't this guy know who he was talking to? Colin was straight and didn't want to be flirted with by some creepy bloke from the telly. No one but Bradley seemed to care that Colin was straight, but Bradley had always made it his business to care. He had been defending Colin's sexuality for years - both behind Colin's back and directly to Colin's face, when Katie or Eoin got out of hand with their filthy Irish filth. He'd asked cast and crew alike not to spread rumours about Colin's sexual preferences. Besides, Colin was straight, so there were really no rumours to spread.

Bradley knew he went a bit overboard sometimes, especially since he didn't actually think that gay rumours were anything to be ashamed of. He never cared if anyone suspected that he was gay. But he knew that Colin liked privacy. He also knew that Colin was usually silent on the topic of homosexuality. Colin was adorably similar to Merlin in that he always stood up for the injustices around him - but Colin never spoke up when someone made a homophobic or ignorant comment. Colin could go on for days about various political problems and social problems and food problems and health problems and probably financial problems and technological problems and whatever other problems there were in the world. But he never opened his mouth when people discussed homophobia.

Bradley was sure that Colin wasn't homophobic. After all, Colin regularly played gay characters. But he was clearly somewhat uncomfortable when it came to the topic. So, Bradley took care of that for him. Bradley made sure that no one was under the impression that Colin was gay, made sure (or at least tried to make sure) that no one asked him about the "homoerotic subtext" of the Arthur/Merlin relationship, made sure that Katie or whoever else didn't spread any unnecessary and totally untrue rumours about Colin.

To make a long story short, Bradley didn't appreciate this Matt bloke showing up and trying to flirt with Colin, because Colin was straight and also somewhat incapable of standing up for himself when it came to proving that he was straight.

But Bradley knew that an interview was not the time or place for him to launch into Colin's Sexuality Protector and Defender mode, so he simply bit his tongue, looked away, and waited for the awkward moment to pass. He could always punch Matt after the camera was turned off, or at least make Colin feel better about the incident by getting another round of drinks.

The problem was that the moment didn't pass. It kept going and going and spiraling and getting more and more flirtatious. Bradley watched out of the corner of his eye as Matt and Colin grinned goofily at each other and went on and on about the stupid bowtie. Colin raised his chin, offering his neck to the interviewer and Matt actually reached up, grabbed the bowtie, and, just as Colin had told him to do, gave it a tug.

Bradley tried to look away, but couldn't. Colin - _straight_ and very private Colin - was flirting right back at Matt. And Matt was eating it up. And Colin was laughing and enjoying himself. Maybe it was his bizarre pride of his bowtie, or the rush of an awards show, or even his half-drunken beer. Bradley didn't know or even care what it was, but he couldn't help but be upset and just a little bit confused. He had seen Colin flirt with other men before. But he had seen Colin flirt with women, too. And it never, ever went anywhere with anyone, and Bradley was actually somewhat convinced that Colin was asexual. Yes, Colin had flirted with Eoin and Rupert and even Bradley himself, but he had also flirted with Katie and Angel and most of the female guest stars. Colin was just a flirtatious person, at least when it came to the cast of _Merlin_.

But that was the problem. Colin flirted with his _friends_ \- not with _interviewers_. And certainly not _male interviewers_.

Bradley blinked and wondered if maybe he was reading too much into it. Maybe the beer was affecting him even more than he'd realized. But then Matt made a joke and Colin laughed and that was that.

Maybe Colin was gay after all.

Colin deferred a question to Bradley and Matt finally (and reluctantly) held the microphone out to catch Bradley's answer. Bradley tried to get his mouth and brain to work in tandem, but there was a lot going on in his head and it took him a moment to pull himself together.

He gave a half-assed answer, knowing he sounded almost as angry as he felt. He tried to control himself for the rest of the interview (and wasn't it just going on forever and ever, and wasn't Matt _still_ flirting with Colin, and wasn't Matt a total douche bag who refused to address Bradley directly) but he was so distracted. And distraught. And Colin was laughing like an idiot every time Matt said something that was supposed to be funny. And then Matt had the gall to ask Bradley a question about magic and Bradley couldn't help himself. He gave a rude answer and regretted it immediately, but it was too late to take it back. He smiled to save himself and luckily both Colin and Matt laughed off his answer.

Then the interview was over and the camera finally shut off. Matt shook their hands again, said some more stupid things to Colin (who laughed), and then went off to find more people to talk to. Bradley ignored Colin's questioning looks and headed back toward the bar. He had to weave through the crowd for quite a while and he lost Colin on the way, which he was glad for. He didn't have anything to say to Colin.

 

It was another hour before Colin found him again. By that point, Bradley was most definitely drunk. He was so drunk that he couldn't really stand up properly, but he wasn't going to admit that to anyone. It was a private problem. It was getting him some rather odd looks, though. Bradley didn't appreciate that. He was dealing with his problem the best he could and he didn't need so many random assholes judging him. They didn't even know him.

Ridiculously huge hands landed on his shoulders and almost knocked him to the floor. Bradley tried to turn and defend himself by punching the offending owner of the hands, but that turned out to be Tom.

"Where've you been?" Bradley asked. The question sounded like a blur to his own ears and he hoped it sounded better to everyone else.

"We're getting you a cab," Rupert said. Bradley blinked at him, wondering where he had come from. "Colin's going to take you home."

"No," Bradley protested as Tom guided him toward the exit. "Not Colin."

"Yes Colin," Rupert said calmly, guiding the way and clearing a path in front of them.

Bradley knew he was leaning rather a lot on Tom, but Tom was as big as a house so he doubted Tom could even feel the extra weight on his side. Besides, if he'd thought standing on his own was hard, walking on his own was like climbing Mount Ernest or whatever the fuck that giant mountain was called.

Colin was standing by the cab when Tom and Rupert finally managed to drag Bradley outside. Bradley insisted on getting into the cab himself. It certainly could have gone better, but he ended up in the car and that was really all that mattered. Colin slid into the backseat next to him and Bradley looked out the window.

"Bradley."

Bradley crossed his arms and continued staring out the window.

"Is something wrong?"

Colin's voice was calm and gentle and perfectly annoying. Bradley didn't answer.

"Are you that upset we didn't win?"

Bradley uncrossed his arms and rubbed at his head, which was starting to throb.

"Everything all right with Georgia?"

Bradley gave Colin a harsh glare, forgetting that he was supposed to be ignoring Colin.

"Is that a no?"

"She broke up with me," Bradley said shortly. "Thanks for bringing it up."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Whatever." Bradley rubbed at his head again. "How's _your_ love life?" he asked, hoping it came as mocking and rude as he wanted it to.

Colin snorted. "You are drunk, aren't you?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You've never, ever asked me that before," Colin said slowly. "Ever."

"Well, I know how much you like your privacy," Bradley snapped. "And secrecy."

Colin frowned at him. "What? Do you think I'm keeping secrets from you?"

"I _know_ you're keeping secrets from me."

"I'm not keeping anything from you," Colin insisted. "I'm just-"

"Keeping. Secrets. From. Me."

"Bradley, what-"

"I _saw_ you flirting with that douche bag!"

Colin blinked, his face scrunched in confusion. "What? Who are you talking about?"

"You let him touch you!" Bradley said, aware that he was shouting but not caring enough to stop. "He touched your neck!"

Colin raised his eyebrows. "You mean Matt? The interviewer? Bradley, that wasn't flirting."

"Yes, it was," Bradley said, crossing his arms again. "You flirted with him."

There was a moment of silence and Bradley smiled to himself, sure that he had won and that Colin was about to break down and confess everything.

"You know what?" Colin's voice sounded angry and Bradley wrapped his arms tighter around himself. Colin never got angry. "I'm not going to have this conversation with you when you're this drunk."

"Fine," Bradley spat. "Fuck you, Colin."

The rest of the cab ride was silent.

When they reached Bradley's block of flats, Colin paid the driver and then helped Bradley inside. Bradley didn't want Colin to touch him or talk to him or even look at him, so he kept trying to walk away and out of Colin's reach.

The problem was that he was still quite drunk and every time to tried to escape, he just ended up tripping over his own feet. Colin kept having to catch him to prevent him from falling. But Bradley didn't want Colin to touch him, so he continued lurching around, trying to get away from Colin and then having to be saved by Colin so he wouldn't end up falling on his own face.

Inside Bradley's flat, Colin helped Bradley out of his suit and into his bed. He made Bradley drink some water and set the rubbish bin next to Bradley's bed. He did this all in silence, but Bradley didn't care. He didn't want anything to do with Colin, so Colin not speaking to him was a victory.

But then Colin left without saying goodbye or goodnight and Bradley couldn't help but feel a little bit lonely as he tried to ignore his pounding head and fall asleep.

 

In the morning, Bradley thought long and hard about refusing to come out from underneath his covers ever again. He was miserable and embarrassed and really wanted to spend the rest of his life hiding under the duvet.

Unfortunately, his bladder wasn't on the same page and he eventually had to get up and make his way to the toilet. After relieving himself, he spent a long time staring at himself in the mirror. He had horribly unattractive bags under his eyes and his hair was a complete mess. Even his stubble, which was barely there, looked unkempt.

"Idiot," Bradley mumbled to himself. He looked like death and he felt about the same.

After digging around in various cupboards, he finally found some painkillers. He downed them quickly, hoping they would ease his headache and maybe even relieve his guilt.

Of course, they weren't magical painkillers, so he still felt like a right dick even after his headache had subsided.

It took Bradley an hour to work up the nerve to check his mobile. To his relief, there were no messages from Colin. There were also no messages from the _Merlin_ publicity team, which meant that no one else had seen his ridiculous antics the night before. He did had two texts, one from Rupert and one from Katie.

 **Rupert Young:** I hope you're feeling better than you were last night. You owe Colin an apology though.

 **Katie McGrath:** WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU??

Bradley couldn't help but smile at the texts. They were hilariously expected. Rupert's was polite and concerned, yet still stern. Katie's was loud and rude and unapologetic about being so.

He wondered what exactly Colin had told them. He also wondered why the hell Colin had bothered getting Katie involved.

Deciding to drink some coffee before responding, Bradley made his way into the kitchen. He knew he should probably talk to Colin before he bothered talking to anyone else (especially Katie), but he didn't want to talk to Colin. He had no idea what to say (other than "sorry") and besides, even though he had gone a bit too far with it last night, he still felt sort of hurt.

Colin had been hiding this from him. It wasn't just that Bradley had never asked about Colin's love life. Colin had never said _anything_ about it. He had never even suggested that he fancied men. He'd never said anything about fancying girls, either, but-

But Bradley had just assumed. Everyone had assumed. Hadn't they?

Bradley squeezed his coffee press, let it sit for a minute, then poured himself a rather large mug of coffee.

Maybe no one else had been stupid enough to assume things about Colin. Maybe Bradley had been the only one blind enough not to notice. Maybe he had been the only one to ignore Colin's flirtations, or to brush them off as a joke. Maybe everyone else took them at face value. Maybe Colin fancied men and women. Maybe he was a huge horny flirt who wanted to have sex with everyone.

Bradley took a sip of coffee and mentally shook himself. Colin wasn't a huge horny flirt who wanted to have sex with everyone. He was pretty sure about that. Although, he had been pretty sure that Colin was straight, and that assumption hadn't worked out so well.

After a few more sips of coffee, Bradley realised he wasn't likely to solve any mysteries by himself. He still didn't feel like calling Colin (or anyone else, really), so he sat down in front of his telly and let himself get lost in the cheap entertainment of silly shows.

Two cups of coffee later, his mobile rang. It was Eoin and Bradley hesitated a moment before answering, wondering if Eoin had caught wind of the drama from last night.

"Hey," he said, deciding that the only way to find out was to answer.

"Hey," Eoin said cheerfully. "How're you feeling? I heard you got pissed at the after party."

"Yeah," Bradley said, sighing. "I'm fine."

"I also heard you and Colin had a row. Is everything all right?"

"It wasn't a row," Bradley protested, though he wasn't entirely sure.

"Oh. Well, do you want to meet up for lunch or dinner? I'm not going to be in London for much longer."

Bradley thought about it for a second - thought about getting dressed and making himself look presentable and going out in public - and decided against it. "I'm not really up for leaving the flat," he admitted. "But I'll play host if you want to come over for take-out."

"Sure. I'll come over now. I can pick up Indian on the way. What do you want?"

Bradley gave Eoin a few options, then hung up and headed for his shower. He might not be going out in public, but he still didn't want to subject Eoin to the smell of his hangover.

He cleaned off quickly, skipping his usual shower wank, and then dressed. He had barely pulled on a t-shirt when his mobile rang again.

"I'm outside," Eoin said when he answered. "Come down and help me carry this stuff."

Bradley rolled his eyes, but went out to meet Eoin on the street. There wasn't so much food that Eoin couldn't have carried it himself, but he had also bought two six-packs of beer. Bradley took them out of Eoin's overloaded arms and led the way back up to his flat.

"It's a bit early for this much beer, don't you think?" he asked, setting the six-packs down on his kitchen table. "It's not even two o'clock."

"It's not all for you, sunshine," Eoin said, dropping the Indian food gracelessly onto the table. "I'm having people over my hotel room later."

Bradley pulled out utensils while Eoin made himself at home by sitting down and kicking off his shoes.

"So, what exactly happened last night?" Eoin prompted once Bradley was settled at the table and pouring some rice over his curry.

Bradley shrugged and took a few quick bites before answering. "Well, I was drunk. Really, really drunk. So, this might have been my imagination, but... well, I thought I saw Colin flirting with this bloke."

Eoin's face was blank. "And?"

Bradley frowned down at his curry. Had he really been the only one left in the dark about Colin? Was he really that stupid?

"And... is he gay, then?" he asked, not quite managing to look up from his food.

"Dunno," Eoin said casually. "He's never said. He's flirted with blokes before, though. You, for one. And, if I'm not mistaken, you always flirt right back."

"I do not."

"That's called denial, but we can move on."

Bradley rolled his eyes and pushed his curry around with his fork, trying to ignore the strange and uncomfortable ball of nerves that had just settled in his stomach. He suddenly wasn't very hungry anymore.

"I said some really stupid things last night," he admitted.

"So I heard."

Bradley finally looked up to see Eoin smiling at him. "From who?"

"Rupert," Eoin explained. "Colin called him on his way home. Rupert said he sounded pretty upset. Apparently you were being a dick. Usually you're a very nice drunk. You get cuddly."

Bradley sighed and set down his fork. "Yeah, I wasn't having the best night."

Eoin nodded and went back to eating his lunch. Bradley swiped a samosa from Eoin's side of the table and nibbled at it.

"He said you and Georgia..."

Bradley bit off most of the samosa and chewed it for as long as he could justify.

"Yeah," he said after he'd swallowed. "We're done."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Bradley shrugged. "I didn't like to advertise my patheticness. I got dumped."

"It happens to the best of us, mate," Eoin said bracingly. "I'd offer to take you out and get you sloshed, but..."

"Yeah, I'm not much up for that tonight. Thanks, anyway."

"If there's anything I can do..."

"It's fine," Bradley said quickly. "I'm fine. Really." He took another small bite of the samosa. "I didn't think I'd get over it so quickly, but... I did. I mean, it still feels shitty to be rejected like that, but..."

"But you're not heartbroken?"

"No," Bradley agreed quietly. "I'm not heartbroken."

"Well, then my advice is to buy Colin a beer and apologise for being a drunken bafoon."

"I'm not very good at apologising," Bradley admitted.

"You're an actor. Pretend."

Bradley ate the rest of the samosa and gave Eoin a harsh glare. Eoin just grinned.

 

After Eoin left, Bradley didn't know what else to do besides call Colin. He wasn't quite ready - he still didn't know what he was going to say - but he didn't want to wait any longer.

"Hello?" Colin answered as if he hadn't checked to see who was calling before picking up.

"Hey Cols," Bradley said, trying to sound cheerful.

"Bradley," Colin said, his voice startled and stiff.

"Yeah. Um... how's your day going?"

"Fine," Colin said shortly.

"Good."

There was a long moment of silence and Bradley cursed himself for being so awkward when there was no reason for it. It was only Colin. He could apologise to Colin.

"Look, I-"

"Bradley, this really isn't a good time for me," Colin cut him off.

Bradley's heart sank. Colin definitely sounded like he was still upset about what had happened in the cab.

"Oh. Right. I'll just-"

Bradley heard another voice in his ear - a man's voice. Then he heard a muffled response from Colin.

"Can I call you tomorrow?" Colin asked.

"Oh, um, sure-"

Colin ended the call before Bradley could say goodbye.

Bradley stared mournfully at his mobile for a few seconds, wondering if he'd finally done something so unforgivable that his friendship with Colin would be ruined. He was pretty sure he hadn't done anything _that_ bad, but Colin had been upset enough to complain to Rupert _and_ Katie, and Colin usually kept all of his negative feelings inside - if ever even had negative feelings. He was a cheerful, optimistic person, and it really took a lot to bring him down.

Bradley quickly called Rupert.

"Hey," Rupert said. "How're you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Bradley said shortly. "I have a question."

"I'll try to have an answer."

"Exactly how upset was Colin when you spoke to him last night."

Rupert paused and Bradley closed his eyes, expecting the worst. "Well... he said you were a homophobic arse and that you told him to fuck off even though he was helping you out."

Bradley got up from the kitchen table and moved to the couch. "That last part sounds about right," he admitted. "I'm not so sure about the homophobic arse bit."

"I didn't ask him to clarify, but... he did sound rather upset."

"I didn't say or do anything homophobic," Bradley insisted.

"You don't have to defend yourself to me," Rupert said calmly.

"I'm just saying. He completely misunderstood."

Rupert paused again and Bradley tried not to pout. "What exactly happened?"

"I might have accused him of flirting with a bloke. Not in a homophobic way, though. Just in a... why-didn't-you-tell-me-that-you're-gay... sort of way."

"Bradley..." Rupert sounded slightly disappointed.

"Yeah, I know, I'm an arse. It's been well documented."

"Have you apologised yet?"

"I tried. He was busy. He said he'll call me back tomorrow."

"Then I'm sure you'll work it out tomorrow," Rupert said sensibly.

"Do you know who he's with?" Bradley asked, unable to stop himself.

"What?"

"When I called him," Bradley explained, feeling his ears burn. "He was with someone. A bloke."

"Bradley, you're losing it."

"I'm not! He was with someone! That's why it wasn't a good time to talk."

"So?"

"So, I'm just... wondering... if he's got a boyfriend or something?" Bradley covered his face with his free hand, mortified that he was even asking.

"I have no idea," Rupert said calmly. "He's never said anything to me about it either way."

"Exactly!" Bradley shouted, uncovering his face.

"Exactly what?"

"He's never fucking said anything about fancying blokes!"

"Well... no. But you can't exactly claim he's been hiding it, either. He's not exactly subtle."

"What do you mean?" Bradley pressed. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to hear Rupert list all the signs that he had missed over the years, but he had to know. He had to know what made it so obvious for everyone else.

"You really aren't observant, are you?"

"You don't have to rub it in."

"Sorry. It's just... well, he flirts with you all the time. He follows you everywhere. He laughs at all your jokes."

"I'm a funny guy," Bradley said weakly.

"He laughs at your _bad_ jokes," Rupert said.

"Oh." Bradley gulped and tried to keep breathing, but it felt like someone was sitting on his chest. That sounded like a bit more than flirting.

"Yeah."

"But..."

"But what?" Rupert asked.

Bradley chewed his bottom lip for a moment, not sure what he wanted to ask. "But Eoin says I... says that I flirt with him, too."

"Mhm," Rupert agreed softly.

Bradley slumped lower on the couch. "I don't mean to."

"Are you about to have a sexual awakening?" Rupert asked. His voice was kind but Bradley could hear the smile. "Because I can cancel my plans for the night if you need to talk."

"No," Bradley said quickly. "I'm - I'm not gay." It was a feeble protest, even to Bradley's ears.

"I didn't say you were," Rupert said gently.

"Oh."

"Are you sure you don't need to talk?"

"I'm fine," Bradley said automatically.

"Okay. Well, if you're sure, I have to go..."

"Right. Okay. That's fine. Thanks." Bradley knew he wasn't making any sense, but he couldn't help it. His thoughts were moving too quickly for him to keep up.

"Bradley?"

"Yeah."

"Don't be too hard on yourself."

"Thanks," Bradley said, not sure what else to say.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Rupert said before hanging up.

 

Bradley skipped dinner in favor of staring at his computer. He couldn't decide if he should email Katie or not. Part of him really wanted her insight into Colin. They were close, after all. Another part of Bradley was too scared to hear what Katie had to say to him, especially if Colin had told her that he had been a "homophobic arse." Katie was fiercely protective of Colin, perhaps even more so than Bradley.

In the end, he decided against emailing Katie. She would likely just berate him, and he had more pressing things to do, like search for gay porn. He'd never watched gay porn before (why would he?) but he was achingly curious. It wasn't that he couldn't imagine gay sex without watching it right in front of him, but he wanted to carefully catalog his response to it.

Everyone else seemed to think that he flirted with Colin. And maybe he did, but it wasn't something he did on purpose. He just responded to Colin the same way that Colin responded to him, and that wasn't his fault. In fact, that was Colin's fault.

But the real problem was that, if he was completely honest with himself, Bradley didn't feel the same way about Colin as he felt about Eoin or Rupert or Tom or the rest of the male actors from _Merlin_. Colin was so different from them. Colin didn't play football or even care about football, really. He didn't like to go out drinking or to pick up girls. He didn't spend his free time working out. He liked reading and cooking and listening to weird music. He liked spending time with small groups of close friends instead of large groups of acquaintances or strangers.

And Bradley liked all those things about Colin. He liked that Colin was different. He liked that Colin could introduce him to new things. He liked that Colin was so doggedly polite and well-meaning and happy about life. He liked - well, he liked Colin. He liked Colin in a way that was completely different than the way he liked his other friends.

Until now, he had just thought that he liked Colin differently because Colin himself was so different. But maybe (maybe) that wasn't the case. Maybe he liked Colin differently because he liked Colin... _differently_.

But he couldn't like Colin _differently_ if he didn't like gay sex. And that was why Bradley was opening up video after video of gay porn, trying to find something that excited him.

Nothing was exciting him. Most of the videos were actually turning him off. The porn blokes were huge, bigger than Tom even, and gross. They were just fucking mindlessly, or choking on massive cocks, or wanking each other off violently. That wasn't what Bradley wanted at all.

Just as he was ready to give up and declare himself straight but with a strange and inexplicable fondness for a certain Colin Morgan, Bradley found a video that made his heart jump in his chest. It was just one man - one thin yet muscular man with dark curls at the base of his long cock. He was sitting on a couch and rubbing his hands over his chest and his thighs, working up to touching his hard cock.

Bradley's mouth went dry as he watched and waited for the man to start wanking.

It wasn't as if Bradley had never thought about it. _It_. He'd had enough gay friends over the years that it was impossible not to think about from time to time. Besides, he'd gone to drama school and had his fair share of drunken same sex snogs. Maybe even more than his fair share, but that's what being young and open-minded was about.

But this was different. This was Bradley with his hands gripping his own thighs so hard he thought he might be leaving bruises. This was Bradley staring at another man during a very private moment. This was Bradley licking his lips and dying for the moment when the man would give into desire and wrap a hand around that long, thick cock.

Finally (oh, finally), the man reached for his cock. Bradley gasped and watched as long, skinny, bony fingers curled comfortably around the cock.

Bradley's cock had been twitching since he found the video, but now it was fully hard and pressing up against his jeans. It wanted to be touched and _fuck_ , Bradley desperately wanted to touch it. He was too turned on to be scared or freaked out by this sudden interest in cocks. He wanted to get off while watching another man wank and he wanted to get off _now_. But he had promised himself he would watch one full gay sex video before he gave in. This video was only 4 minutes long, but Bradley was already struggling.

Two minutes in, the man started breathing more heavily. He used his other hand to pull at his balls and tease his nipples. He started stroking his cock faster and harder. He moaned openly, relishing in his pleasure.

Bradley liked the sound - he had always enjoyed the sounds that girls made in bed and his cock was responding the same way to this man's deep groans - but it was distracting. He was sure that Colin wouldn't moan that way, and he wanted to pretend that this was Colin, no matter how creepy it made him feel.

Bradley silenced the video and tried to imagine how Colin would moan. Colin would probably bite his lip and fight to stay quiet as long as possible. He would probably clench a fist in the sheets and pant wildly. He would probably stretch out his legs and flex his feet and let himself get completely consumed with pleasure. And then - only then, when he was so close to coming that he could feel it in his _hair_ \- only then would he give voice to his need. It would be a low sound, long and deep and completely uncontrollable. It would sneak past Colin's lips, unbidden and unwelcome. But once it was out, there was no stopping other sounds from following. And suddenly Colin would be moaning and gasping and groaning and _whimpering_ and he would come all over himself in a sudden rush of noise and mindless release.

The man on Bradley's laptop started lifting his hips in time with his pumping fist. His chest was heaving and flushed a deep red. Bradley went hot all over with the knowledge of what was coming. He leaned forward slightly, watching to watch every second.

The man's free hand brushed over a nipple, then went higher up, off the screen. Bradley imagined Colin covering his face as he came, maybe if he had to be quiet at the risk of getting caught. Colin would bit down on the heel of his palm to keep from making any sound. Colin would-

Bradley stopping breathing when the man came. He watched the man's cock pulse and throb and twitch as it shot long strands of white come all over the man's flat stomach, and even up on the man's flushed chest.

The man continued gently stroking his softening cock, and Bradley turned the sound back on. The man was breathing deeply and letting out soft hums of pleasure when his cock twitched with an aftershock of his orgasm. Bradley licked his lips and quickly shucked off his jeans. He palmed his own painfully hard cock as he loaded a few more videos to watch, all of the same skinny man.

He made it through one more full video without coming, mostly because he sat on his hands for the last minute, but then he came halfway through the third video when the man let out a particularly desperate-sounding moan. Bradley closed his eyes as he came, imagining that Colin was watching him. He groaned and arched off the couch, pumping his hand and thinking only of Colin - Colin's long legs and long fingers and probably long cock.

Panting, Bradley opened his eyes just in time to watch the man on his laptop come for a third time.

"I am so fucked," Bradley told the man.

 

Bradley woke up obscenely early the next morning. It had taken him ages to fall asleep and when he finally had, he slept fitfully. He had tossed and turned the whole night, drifting in and out of consciousness as his mind raced and raced and raced. He couldn't even remember the last time he had slept so badly.

When he grew too anxious to stay in his bed even one second later, Bradley got up and took a long shower. He tried to resist the urge to have his usual shower wank, but he couldn't help himself. He did make sure not to think of Colin. One desperate fantasy wank over his friend and co-worker was enough. Instead, he thought of faceless men sucking each other off and fucking each other in countless positions. He tried not to think about the videos he had glimpsed the day before. The men he preferred to think about were kissing each other and caressing each other and taking the time to make each other feel good. They weren't mindlessly getting off for the camera.

Bradley leaned his forehead against the wall, made sure his feet had a firm grip on the slippery shower floor, and came with a low whine.

As he washed himself off afterwards, Bradley decided that he would definitely have to do something about this new found appreciation for hot men. If he couldn't manage to make it happen with Colin (which he sincerely hoped he could), he was going to have to find some other man who might be interested in him. He really hoped it wouldn't come to that, though. He wanted Colin - he knew that now. He was so sure that Colin would be good in bed. But he was also sure that he wanted more than that. He wanted Colin in a new and somewhat frightening way that involved learning how to cook vegetarian meals and going to silly concerts and spending entire days curled up next to each other on the couch.

Bradley turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He knew he was getting ahead of himself. He hadn't even apologised to Colin, yet.

He dried off and got dressed, which took a long time because he couldn't decide what he would want Colin to see him in. Finally, he decided on a pair of nicely fitting jeans and plain blue t-shirt.

Bradley ate breakfast as slowly as possible, then washed all of his dishes by hand. He scrubbed his kitchen counters, reorganized his fridge and his cupboards, swept the floor, washed off the kitchen table, and took out the trash.

Then he moved onto the living room. He fluffed the couch cushions, rearranged his DVD collection, tidied up his coffee table, alphabetized his bookshelves, and vacuumed every inch of the carpet he could reach. Next, he thoroughly cleaned the bathroom. And then, even though he generally kept his bedroom fairly tidy, he cleaned his room.

When his entirely flat was clean, Bradley started getting anxious again. Colin still hadn't called and he was running out of things to do. He supposed he could go for a run to burn off his extra energy. But what if Colin called while he was running?

In the end, Bradley decided to make lunch instead. He wasn't hungry, but he couldn't think of anything else to do. He ate his sandwich on the couch in front of the telly, not quite concentrating on the show he was watching. He didn't even know what show it was, but it was better than staring into space.

He put off taking the last bite of his sandwich for as long as could, but eventually he finished off his lunch. He washed off his plate as thoroughly as possible, then sat back down on the couch and actually considered reading a book.

But then his mobile rang.

Bradley fumbled with the mobile for a moment, but did manage to answer before Colin got put through to his voice mail.

"Hi," he said a bit breathlessly.

"Hi," Colin said.

Bradley licked his lips nervously. "How are you?"

"I'm all right," Colin said, his tone unreadable. "How are you?"

"Bored," Bradley said quickly. "Can you come over?"

"Um."

"Please?" Bradley hoped it didn't sound like he was begging. "I want to apologise in person."

"Oh. Um. All right. I'll be over in a hour."

Colin hung up before Bradley could respond.

Bradley couldn't decide if he should be relieved or scared that Colin had agreed to come over. After fretting for a few minutes, he decided to put on his favorite Buffy episode to keep him company during the hour's wait.

By the end of the episode, Bradley was feeling considerably calmer. But he still had a few more minutes to waste. He took a piss, brushed his teeth, made sure his hair was vaguely presentable, changed into a different shirt, changed back into his first shirt, and considered chopping off his own head.

But then his buzzer startled him out of his spiraling thoughts, and suddenly there was no more time to be nervous. He buzzed Colin into the building without saying anything, and less than one minute later there was a knock on his door.

"Hey," Bradley said as he opened the door.

Colin gave him a wary smile and stepped inside. Bradley closed the door and tried not to stare, but Colin looked - Colin looked _good_. He had on black jeans that weren't three sizes too big and a worn-in blue plaid shirt. When Bradley's eyes finally reached Colin's face (which was scruffy and tired-looking), he noticed Colin's expectant expression.

"Coffee?" Bradley blurted out. "I mean - would you like some coffee?"

Colin shrugged and nodded, so Bradley led the way to the kitchen. He set some water to boil and spooned out some coffee grounds into his cafetiere. Colin leaned against the counter and stayed silent as he watched Bradley prepare the coffee.

"How's your day been?" Bradley asked as he watched the water.

"Fine," Colin said quietly. "I haven't done much."

Bradley nodded and forced himself to turn around and face Colin. "I just wanted to say that... that I'm really sorry about the other night. I was out of line."

Colin nodded but said nothing.

"I'm sorry if you - if you thought I was being homophobic. That really wasn't my intent."

To Bradley's surprise, Colin blushed. "Bradley-"

"I'm not homophobic," Bradley said quickly, feeling that he needed to get it all out before Colin stopped him. "I don't care if you're gay or bisexual or - or anything. It doesn't matter to me. I was just upset because I don't understand why you never said anything to me about it."

Colin opened his mouth to speak, but Bradley continued on, talking over the few words that Colin started to say.

"Because it's not just that I never asked you about it before. I've explicitly said 'Colin's straight' to countless people right in front of your face. And you never said anything."

"It's none of your business!" Colin shouted, startling Bradley. "And it's certainly not the business of the 'countless people' you talk to about me."

"I didn't mean-"

"For someone who claims to understand my need for privacy, you've said a lot of things to a lot of people over the years."

"I'm sorry," Bradley said quietly. He had never thought about it that way.

"Normally I don't care," Colin said, sounding exasperated. "Normally I don't say anything and I don't dwell on it. It's just one of those annoying things that you do. Katie says you think you're protecting me somehow."

Bradley could feel his ears getting hot. "I... yeah."

"She says it's kind of sweet, even though it's horribly misguided."

"Yeah."

Colin sighed and rubbed at his forehead. Bradley turned away, unable to look at such an agitated Colin, and remembered the coffee. He poured the boiling water into the cafetiere and stirred it briefly, then left it alone to brew.

"You were a dick that night," Colin finally said.

Bradley nodded, careful to make eye contact with Colin. "Yes."

Colin looked at Bradley for a long moment, then dropped his gaze to the floor. "Yeah."

"I can apologise again if that would help," Bradley offered, only half joking.

"You don't have to keep apologising," Colin said unconvincingly.

"I don't know what else to say," Bradley admitted.

Colin sighed again. "Well... I can go, I guess."

"Please, don't." Bradley took a step toward Colin, who tensed immediately. "We haven't even had the coffee yet."

Colin eyed the coffee press for a few seconds, and then his shoulders slumped. "Okay. Can you just... maybe stop telling so many people that I'm straight? It's weird."

"Yes," Bradley agreed quickly. "Of course, absolutely. No problem."

"Thanks."

Bradley nodded and then started getting out mugs. This conversation really wasn't going as well as he had hoped it would. Colin was clearly still upset with Bradley and uncomfortable in Bradley's presence. Bradley just wasn't sure what to do to make it better. He wasn't sure how to put Colin at ease. Somehow he didn't think that joking around would work. He had never seen Colin so upset before and he didn't want Colin to think that he was being dismissive about it.

"I'm really bad at expressing myself," Bradley blurted out.

Colin raised an eyebrow but then shrugged. "Me too."

Bradley nodded and pressed down on the plunger before pouring the coffee into the two mugs he had set out.

"Black, right?" he asked, handing Colin one of the mugs.

Colin nodded and took the mug. Bradley added a bit of sugar to his mug, then moved to sit down at the table. Colin joined him and they sat in silence for a long moment.

"Am I allowed to ask questions?" Bradley asked bravely. "Or is that too much?"

"You can ask questions."

Colin's tone was unreadable, but Bradley took the permission as a good sign.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Colin shook his head. "No."

"Have you ever had a boyfriend in the time I've known you?"

Colin nodded but said nothing.

Bradley thought that over for a minute, trying to remember if Colin had ever mentioned another man often enough for it to stand out. Of course he hadn't, though. Colin only ever talked about their co-workers or his family. Bradley only knew the names of a small handful of Colin's non- _Merlin_ friends.

"So, have you kept it a secret because-"

"Private."

"What?"

"I've kept it private," Colin said firmly. "Not secret."

"I'm not entirely sure there's a difference when it comes to you," Bradley said.

Colin narrowed his eyes. "I would have told you if you'd asked."

"If I'd randomly asked? 'Hey, Cols, I know you're straight but do you by chance a boyfriend?' Why would I have ever asked that?"

Colin pursed his lips and looked down at his coffee mug.

Bradley sighed and traced the rim of his coffee mug with his fingertip. "I'm just saying that... your definition of private is hard for me to wrap my head around."

Colin shrugged and took a sip of his coffee.

Bradley sipped at his own, found it too hot, and spent a while blowing into it.

"Well," he said after a few minutes, unable to stand the silence any longer.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?"

"Yes."

Colin leaned back in his chair and looked expectantly at Bradley, waiting for a reason to stay.

"I have more questions," Bradley said stupidly.

"About?"

"About, um. Well..." Bradley trailed off and drank some coffee to find his words. "Eoin and Rupert both say that... that you've been flirting, um... with me."

Colin blushed furiously. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I'll stop. Sometimes I don't think about what I'm doing and I just-"

"No," Bradley interrupted him. "No, it's fine."

Colin frowned down at coffee, avoiding Bradley's gaze. "Fine?"

"Yeah. It's... they... they said that I... flirt back."

Colin licked his lips and then looked up at Bradley. "Yeah. You do."

Bradley nodded. "Yeah."

Colin turned red again and looked back down at his coffee. "It's not like you signed a gay contract or anything, though. I'm not expecting a declaration of love. It's just innocent flirting. You don't have to say anything."

"But I want to say something," Bradley said quietly.

Colin shifted in his chair again. "I would prefer if you didn't," he said, his voice practically a whisper.

"I'm not rejecting you," Bradley said, his voice pitched low to match. "I'm trying to tell that I - I think I might... fancy you. A bit."

Colin gave an aggravated sigh and sat up straighter. He looked thoroughly unimpressed. He also looked angry.

"Bradley-"

"I'm being serious," Bradley said quickly, sensing Colin's distrust. "You have no idea how serious I'm being."

Colin pulled a face. "You're serious about _thinking_ that you _might_ fancy me _a bit_?"

Bradley fingered his mug nervously. "To be fair, I did say that I'm really bad at expressing myself."

Colin sighed and rubbed at his forehead. "I care about you too much to be your little gay experiment," he said slowly.

Bradley's chest tightened. "It's not an experiment. I've already done that."

"What do you mean?" Colin asked, clearly worried.

"I kissed plenty of guys in drama school," Bradley said shortly. "I've moved on past that stage. I'm not so young that I need to experiment."

Colin shook his head. "You don't understand."

"I watched gay porn last night," Bradley said. His ears were burning and the heat was spreading to his cheeks, but he didn't care. He had to make Colin understand.

Colin looked slightly put out. "You watched gay porn?"

Bradley nodded but then decided to tell the truth. "Well, I watched videos of a bloke wanking."

Colin stared at Bradley for a long moment and Bradley could feel himself blushing even deeper.

"You know... what you like in porn doesn't always match up with what you actually like to do. There's a difference between fantasy life and... well, actual sex."

Bradley started wondering if he was going to have to take drastic action to get his point across. "I know. But I know what I want."

Colin bit his lip uncertainly and looked back down at his coffee. "I don't date co-workers."

"You have too many rules," Bradley said decisively.

Colin nodded in agreement. "True, but... they keep me safe."

"Safe?"

"I'm not very good at being friends with my exes."

"That's no way to approach a relationship," Bradley teased.

Colin shrugged and continued staring into his coffee mug.

"Colin," Bradley said gently. He waited for Colin to look up before he continued. "Do you think you could make an exception? I know this is sudden but I do really like you. And I'm not trying to say that we're going to last forever and live happily ever after. But... I think it could be worth a shot. We both care about each other. And apparently we've been flirting for years, so..."

Colin bit his lip again and Bradley waited breathlessly for an answer.

"This is a really bad idea," Colin finally said, looking sheepish.

Bradley couldn't help but grin. "Does that mean..."

Colin nodded slowly. "If this ends badly, I am completely blaming you."

"I'm okay with that."

Colin finally smiled and Bradley found himself breathing easier.

"So, should I like... take you out to dinner or something?" Bradley asked.

Colin grinned, his eyes crinkling around the edges. "That would be a nice start."

Bradley glanced at the microwave to check the time. "It's only three o'clock."

"I'm sure we can think of something to do," Colin said, feigning innocence.

"Such as?" Bradley asked, trying to ignore the way his cock was twitching hopefully.

"Cleaning out these mugs," Colin suggested, pushing back his chair.

Bradley laughed and rolled his eyes, but stood and carried both of their mugs to the kitchen sink. He poured out the coffee and turned on the tap, but then Colin's hands settled on his hips.

"Are you sure about this?" Colin asked, his voice deep and scratchy and worried.

"Yes," Bradley said, turning around. He studied Colin's face and gripped the counter behind him, resisting the overwhelming urge to lean forward for a kiss.

"You're not going to freak out and take it all back as soon as... well..." Colin blushed and Bradley knew what he was getting at.

Bradley slid hid hands up Colin's arms and then, before he could stop himself, he moved in for a kiss. Colin's lips were soft and dry and hesitant against his own.

"I won't take it back," Bradley whispered, barely pulling back from the kiss.

Colin took a deep breath. "And you won't run around shouting about us?"

"No," Bradley said quickly. "I can keep it private. If that's what you want."

"I think-"

Colin was interrupted by Bradley's mobile going off.

"Probably Rupert," Bradley muttered, digging in his pocket. He retrieved it and checked the screen. "Yeah. He was worried about me. Us. Um... he'll probably guess..."

Colin took the mobile out of Bradley's hand and answered it.

"Hi, Rupert."

"Colin!" Bradley could hear Rupert's muffled voice.

"Are you looking for Bradley?"

"I told him I'd call him today... I assume you're with him?"

"In more than one way," Colin said, giving Bradley a goofy wink. "He's busy at the moment. Do you need to talk to him?"

Bradley heard Rupert laughing. "No, that's all right. Take care of him for me."

"Will do," Colin said before hanging up. He passed the mobile back to Bradley with a wide grin on his face. "That's how I do private."

"I'm not entirely sure I understand your definition yet," Bradley teased, slipping the mobile back into his pocket.

"Maybe I'll explain it over dinner," Colin said as he took Bradley's hand. "Let's go snog on the couch like horny teenagers."

Bradley laughed and let Colin drag him into the living room. They sat down on the couch and before Bradley had a chance to feel awkward or self-conscious, Colin's lips were on his again. This time they were sure and demanding and everything Bradley could have hoped for.

"Did you really watch gay porn?" Colin asked, pulling away and dragging his lips over Bradley's jaw.

"Yeah," Bradley managed a bit breathlessly.

"Will you show me sometime?" Colin murmured against Bradley's neck.

"What?"

Colin pushed Bradley down on his back and hovered over him with a mischievous grin. "Will you show me the videos you watched?"

"Oh." Bradley gulped as his cock jerked needily against Colin's thigh. Colin raised his eyebrows. "Yeah," Bradley agreed. "Yeah, definitely."

"Good." Colin smirked and leaned down for another kiss. "Maybe I'll wear a bowtie for the occasion."

Bradley glared up at Colin, who just smiled innocently. Then Bradley rolled his eyes and pulled Colin down for hard kiss.


End file.
